Believe In Time

Well, today honestly, wasn't any better than yesterday. Sometimes I wish I was born into a different family, a different world. Because, now my mother has finally gotten what she's always wanted, another child. She came in today from Ukraine, and to be honest I really haven't said anything to her or made much eye contact with her. How can I look at my own replacement? Everyone tells me, oh she doesn't replace you and that's the biggest lie I've ever heard. My mom barely noticed me today its like I was completely invisible. And I think everyone wants to be invisible, every once in a while, but not all the time. Sometimes I just can't help but feel that if I disappeared no one would notice, life would go on. I can't help thinking about everything I've ever had, it doesn't seem like it was really mine, my mother's love only was there when I was brand new, now I've disappeared. I just wish that I could get in my car and drive, doesn't mat...

Well today nothing went according to plan, everything seemed to become scrambled. I don't think I've felt so much pain in my life, losing everything is such a bitter sorrow. I though it would've been the best day of my life, turns out I was wrong, way, way wrong. When I saw Jose, he didn't even become happy, he looked at me as if he had never seen me in his life. As if I was some kid he never met before. He hugged me, then left me just like that. It felt like the wind, was stripped from my back, it grew cold and bitter. When he said goodbye to everyone, I was the last one standing looking like a fool for being there, I then just ran away. Drove away in my car hoping to forget it all, when I notice two cars on my phone. Their from him, I call him and hear his voice completely dead and lacking any emotion at all and that's when I knew. I felt that whatever we had was gone, but I don't understand it, I'm completely lost in this circle. Because one day, he makes...

Well, its early on a Tuesday I came into work early due to the absence of my coworker so here I am. Its such a peaceful morning so far, I can hear the coffee maker from the kitchen and silence. Its a relatively nice feeling, rather than the phone constantly shrilling, demanding immediate attention. Even my mother hasn't gotten to work yet, which is simply bizarre considering her job is her life. So, I'm sitting at the front desk typing away on my laptop and making coffee for my mother. She just walked in wondering where I was for most of the time, which it actually took me a half an hour to drive to work and I stopped along the way at a recreation center, just sitting in the field. It was so peaceful, now the office is starting to get a bit fussy as most type furiously across their keyboards and the morning coffee is quickly taken as, a crutch, for most tired employees. Some have not even stepped foot in the office, but rather chose an extra hour of sleep. Its going to be a lon...

I feel so hopeless, so lost there's nothing I wanna do more than never move again. I can't so anything right can I? I feel like an imbecile who barely seems to get the basics. My SAT scores were impossibly horridious I can't even bare to stand my mother telling me that I have to go to community college, I wish I lived under a rock. I could hear the disappointment in her voice, that her only daughter is the biggest disappointment, well it wouldn't be the first time. I just can't do anything right, every time something happens in my life I end up making it all a complete disaster. I feel myself dying inside, I wish I could just run away. Run away from all the pain and the suffering and just forget about it. I'm already in love with a guy I can't have and forget about the Chemistry and Math regents this year they were impossible. So impossible I'll probably fail the eleventh grade. I just don't want to look in the mirror but, rather punch a hole throug...