Skip to main content

Twists and Turns in Life


My friend is sitting next to me and it feel like Rhianna's king bed song, I wonder if this is reality how I wish I didn't have to hide, but they don't understand me. Not surprising. They think, I completely dimwitted or something, but if they really knew the truth, I don't even think I an bare it myself. Its my own small world the one that exists inside my head and heart are far from the same, so many thoughts whirling in both of them, my heart a completely free spirit in search of love and my head filled with rational thoughts, anger, disappointment, and pain. From all those who have left their mark, my father, past friends, my mother, family, and guys. I seems like I'm not really here, like I'm in a truly cruel world, with every spark of hope disappearing. I wonder where God is in all this,I feel like He disappeared. I really just wish people wouldn't tell me what to feel, "I am able to talk, stop talking like I'm not here!" I wish I could be in my own escape where I was free to be myself. I'm sure my friend truly thinks I'm cruel, which I couldn't blame her for; I mean what friend writes about you while your sitting next to them? I just couldn't take the hurt anymore, it boils inside of me, the anger that I will always be second rate to my friends always hurts. I wonder if they ever will find my weaknesses, my hopes, my goals, passions, and so on. However, I am so many people tied into one, so I might be hard to figure out. Not so hard though, I wish there was a sign of what I'm suppose to do. However even though life looks hard, I won't raise my white flag. I will hold my own, be me even if it gets hard, nobody ever said life would be easy. I just hope that life will fall in time with me. Remember look down to no one, hold your own! Life has crazy twists and turns but it will be worth it in the end.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Bound With Invisible Chains

Well, its early on a Tuesday I came into work early due to the absence of my coworker so here I am. Its such a peaceful morning so far, I can hear the coffee maker from the kitchen and silence. Its a relatively nice feeling, rather than the phone constantly shrilling, demanding immediate attention. Even my mother hasn't gotten to work yet, which is simply bizarre considering her job is her life. So, I'm sitting at the front desk typing away on my laptop and making coffee for my mother. She just walked in wondering where I was for most of the time, which it actually took me a half an hour to drive to work and I stopped along the way at a recreation center, just sitting in the field. It was so peaceful, now the office is starting to get a bit fussy as most type furiously across their keyboards and the morning coffee is quickly taken as, a crutch, for most tired employees. Some have not even stepped foot in the office, but rather chose an extra hour of sleep. Its going to be a lon...

Wind Runner

Well, I'm up to about 3 posts in one day. I ran away a little while ago. But, I came back like I always do. Because, wherever I go they will find me and bring me back to where I started right here (in my house) I'll be writing most of the night anyway. It's about midnight here in NY. So, yup. Well, this is how the whole running away thing got started. I had been merely on the computer watching 'Picture This' on youtube. A simple evening for me, but then I hear my step-dad (ok, ewww I cannot say that word he should never have the word 'dad' in that title or whatever. I never liked him and never will. So I'll call him Mr. X.) Mr. X had called me over to the computer to sign into my itunes account because they had gotten a bill saying that itunes was used up to 60 dollars. Anyway, how that had actually happened was an accident, you see I had a graduation party for graduating middle school. So I had wanted an itunes card and, I would pay Mr. X back. So I ma...

My 100th post!

First, off I just wanna say thanks for all the people who read and listen to the struggles in my life. Second, I'm in complete shock that this is my 100th post! So, thanks for being there for me for four years! Anyway, to get this post going, I wanna just write.... it probably won't make a lot of sense when I finish but it'll be different, to say the least. So, Kataya goes back to Ukraine on Saturday and at this point I am pretty upset that she's leaving, she's become a little sister to me, and her smile could light up the whole world. However, in a malicious and selfish way I am kind of happy because for the last month my mom was too busy with Kataya to really notice me, strange how you want your parents to ignore you and when they do you want them to talk to you? Also the directors of the orphanage came to stay with us and to say the least their not my favorite people, but the leave tomorrow for New York City and I finally get my room back! But, its going to t...