Twists and Turns in Life

My friend is sitting next to me and it feel like Rhianna's king bed song, I wonder if this is reality how I wish I didn't have to hide, but they don't understand me. Not surprising. They think, I completely dimwitted or something, but if they really knew the truth, I don't even think I an bare it myself. Its my own small world the one that exists inside my head and heart are far from the same, so many thoughts whirling in both of them, my heart a completely free spirit in search of love and my head filled with rational thoughts, anger, disappointment, and pain. From all those who have left their mark, my father, past friends, my mother, family, and guys. I seems like I'm not really here, like I'm in a truly cruel world, with every spark of hope disappearing. I wonder where God is in all this,I feel like He disappeared. I really just wish people wouldn't tell me what to feel, "I am able to talk, stop talking like I'm not here!" I wish I could be in my own escape where I was free to be myself. I'm sure my friend truly thinks I'm cruel, which I couldn't blame her for; I mean what friend writes about you while your sitting next to them? I just couldn't take the hurt anymore, it boils inside of me, the anger that I will always be second rate to my friends always hurts. I wonder if they ever will find my weaknesses, my hopes, my goals, passions, and so on. However, I am so many people tied into one, so I might be hard to figure out. Not so hard though, I wish there was a sign of what I'm suppose to do. However even though life looks hard, I won't raise my white flag. I will hold my own, be me even if it gets hard, nobody ever said life would be easy. I just hope that life will fall in time with me. Remember look down to no one, hold your own! Life has crazy twists and turns but it will be worth it in the end.

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