Well, I'm up to about 3 posts in one day. I ran away a little while ago. But, I came back like I always do. Because, wherever I go they will find me and bring me back to where I started right here (in my house) I'll be writing most of the night anyway. It's about midnight here in NY. So, yup. Well, this is how the whole running away thing got started.
I had been merely on the computer watching 'Picture This' on youtube. A simple evening for me, but then I hear my step-dad (ok, ewww I cannot say that word he should never have the word 'dad' in that title or whatever. I never liked him and never will. So I'll call him Mr. X.) Mr. X had called me over to the computer to sign into my itunes account because they had gotten a bill saying that itunes was used up to 60 dollars.
Anyway, how that had actually happened was an accident, you see I had a graduation party for graduating middle school. So I had wanted an itunes card and, I would pay Mr. X back. So I made a twenty dollar itunes card for myself but, I didn't receive the email so I thought it hadn't worked. So I tried twice more and I got 2 more 20 dollar itunes gift cards. So I truthfully had done it by accident. Not on purpose. So I practically got screamed at so loud I thought I would go deaf. That I owe them $150 when it had only been $60! i had said that I had payed for them because, I knew I had. But, no they believe no such, so basically I do what I always do when stuff like this happens, run.
I don't exactly know why I run, it just makes the world seem better. As if for just a moment I could feel far away from my problems as if they weren't there like, my own escape path from the world. Which my mother doesn't understand, and never will. I run to get that feeling of being free. Where my heart can soar free. But, anyway back to the story; so I got on my sweatshirt a pair of shorts and sneakers and ran, letting everything go. Luckily I had manged to get a flash light before I left. However, Mr. X caught me so, I ran before he could grab my hoodie. I ran down the street, and kept saying to myself how much I loved this feeling and how the air seems to lift when I walked. Of course, mother starts to grab her car and run after me.
I was telling, myself to run, but I couldn't help seeing the beautiful stars and everything else around me. So my mother eventually caught up to me and said in the deepest voice I had ever heard her speak in "Get in the ******* car." (I don't like to curse and so I refrain from it so yeah.) I began to turn around walking back toward our house and I began to think to myself how I had lost my real mother so long ago (the mother I have now is my blood related mother and was then my mother now, so I've really only had one mother.) She changed emotionally, she is not, the mother I once knew who played games with me, the one who always loved me no matter what. No she had changed, so long ago, and changed for the worse. She began to seem like the mother, who couldn't care less if I lived or died. But, eventually I reached the back porch steps of our house, and I sat there gazing at the stars, thinking did they have to go through this? No of course not; they were free to make a beautiful universe. But, I didn't belong there nor anywhere.
So mother came up to me and says "Get in the house" repeatedly. So I drain it out. I know i was wrong but, I didn't wanna go back into that house and get thrown into my room like, some prisoner. So what do convicts do? Run. I ran somehow escaping mother I ran, and kept telling myself to keep running and never ever stop. Never go back to that dreaded place and live free. But, suddenly the more thinking part of mine says "Why are you running? She is gonna catch you, anyway." So I stop running. Soon the glowing headlights shine on me, making me blind. So he says "Go back to the house, now! You make me run out here and chase you in my pajamas." So once, again I turn back to start heading back to my house.
Mother, drives faster than I walk. But, I stop to get one last look at the moon before I can't see it, mother stops the car. She eventually drives into the driveway. I took small steps back to the house and began singing to calm myself down, for what was to come. Mother stood on the front lawn hold the flashlight I had before in her hand. Shining it at me. My first song was 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' by Judy Garland, then 'Somewhere' from West Side Story, and finally 'Electricity' from Billy Elliot.
Mother opened the front door just as I was walking up the driveway (she had seen me through the front window) She yelled out into the dark "Caitlin get, in this house right now!I am locking the front door!" So, I began walking towards the back porch once again. But, apparently my speed wasn't fast enough for her. She came after me grabbing the back of my hoodie, with my hair in her hand (as she had done the last time at the back porch) and basically pushed me toward the door which, banged against me. The opened the door and shoved me in, so I couldn't escape again. Then, I had gone to the fridge to drink something before, I would pass out. But she said "Get, out of my refrigerator! Go to your room, I don't even want to see you." That's how it ended.
That's what happened tonight. Basically, there is more detail, but it is personal family info so sorry. I mean, I go through running away day and night, not everyday but, a good amount of time. I mean, my Aunt, friends, and boyfriend I felt were the people I can tell anything to. I mean, mother never saw eye to eye with me since the beginning. Neither did Mr. X. But don't get me wrong I do love my mother it's just hard sometimes to love her. Also if this shows up as Wednesday the 12th it is wrong I wrote this on the 11th. Just at night.
Ella
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