I wish I could explain why I feel the way I do, explain it to everyone else around me and they'd understand. I saw Kelley Slater, famous surfer, at the Long Beach competition and I still feel completely depressed. I feel as though all of my ambition has been drained, I feel as though I can't do anything. I feel all alone in this world, it feels completely foreign. As though I'm living another girl's life not my own. Liberation cannot find me because I am deep in the depths of my own emotion. I just feel hopeless at this point, I see everyone else around me shine even in a sour attitude and I am the lost girl. I feel myself becoming a ghost in my own life, detaching myself from everything, as though I watch the life of everyone else. I feel like I'm in a twisted dream caught in between the sands of time, watching air slip through my fingers like memories. I want to be this great person that can do so much, however my problem stands I'm not that person. I am me, the girl filled with so many imperfections all the pretty girls will feel ten times better. The past feels like a weight on my heavy shoulders never really going to leave. I wish I could fix the past or change it, do something to keep the empty hole inside me from growing larger.
First, off I just wanna say thanks for all the people who read and listen to the struggles in my life. Second, I'm in complete shock that this is my 100th post! So, thanks for being there for me for four years! Anyway, to get this post going, I wanna just write.... it probably won't make a lot of sense when I finish but it'll be different, to say the least. So, Kataya goes back to Ukraine on Saturday and at this point I am pretty upset that she's leaving, she's become a little sister to me, and her smile could light up the whole world. However, in a malicious and selfish way I am kind of happy because for the last month my mom was too busy with Kataya to really notice me, strange how you want your parents to ignore you and when they do you want them to talk to you? Also the directors of the orphanage came to stay with us and to say the least their not my favorite people, but the leave tomorrow for New York City and I finally get my room back! But, its going to t...
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