I wish I could explain why I feel the way I do, explain it to everyone else around me and they'd understand. I saw Kelley Slater, famous surfer, at the Long Beach competition and I still feel completely depressed. I feel as though all of my ambition has been drained, I feel as though I can't do anything. I feel all alone in this world, it feels completely foreign. As though I'm living another girl's life not my own. Liberation cannot find me because I am deep in the depths of my own emotion. I just feel hopeless at this point, I see everyone else around me shine even in a sour attitude and I am the lost girl. I feel myself becoming a ghost in my own life, detaching myself from everything, as though I watch the life of everyone else. I feel like I'm in a twisted dream caught in between the sands of time, watching air slip through my fingers like memories. I want to be this great person that can do so much, however my problem stands I'm not that person. I am me, the girl filled with so many imperfections all the pretty girls will feel ten times better. The past feels like a weight on my heavy shoulders never really going to leave. I wish I could fix the past or change it, do something to keep the empty hole inside me from growing larger.
Well, I'm up to about 3 posts in one day. I ran away a little while ago. But, I came back like I always do. Because, wherever I go they will find me and bring me back to where I started right here (in my house) I'll be writing most of the night anyway. It's about midnight here in NY. So, yup. Well, this is how the whole running away thing got started. I had been merely on the computer watching 'Picture This' on youtube. A simple evening for me, but then I hear my step-dad (ok, ewww I cannot say that word he should never have the word 'dad' in that title or whatever. I never liked him and never will. So I'll call him Mr. X.) Mr. X had called me over to the computer to sign into my itunes account because they had gotten a bill saying that itunes was used up to 60 dollars. Anyway, how that had actually happened was an accident, you see I had a graduation party for graduating middle school. So I had wanted an itunes card and, I would pay Mr. X back. So I ma...
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