Speak

I never think I realized how much of my life is like the movie "Speak". How throughout the movie she is unsure how to tell anyone about what happened to her, and even the one "friend" she has won't even give her the time of day to say anything. She even questions if anyone would notice if she simply stopped talking all together. That moment when she's sitting at the pep rally, watching the guy who assaulted her all over another girl, she runs. For me, instead it was a friend and I had to watch as everyone believed him instead of me, how everyone trusted that I was the one who forced him into it. Watching my "friends" disappear was one of the hardest things I'd ever live through, or just seeing which ones actually cared enough to listen. They were all so sure I has "misunderstood" that because I didn't scream or say "no" that it was just fine. Sometimes, I still get the flashbacks, those are the worst. They keep me up at night sometimes, I stopped sleeping a year ago, sometimes I yearn for the moments when I used to be able to sleep soundly. I still sleep, but I have dreamless nights, and seemingly endless days. With finals and graduation looming around the corner I find myself constantly wondering what I'm going to do with my life, and if I'll be good enough to actually succeed at what I do. I have more to say, but until the words come I just don't know what to write.