Believe In Time

I never think I realized how much of my life is like the movie "Speak". How throughout the movie she is unsure how to tell anyone about what happened to her, and even the one "friend" she has won't even give her the time of day to say anything. She even questions if anyone would notice if she simply stopped talking all together. That moment when she's sitting at the pep rally, watching the guy who assaulted her all over another girl, she runs. For me, instead it was a friend and I had to watch as everyone believed him instead of me, how everyone trusted that I was the one who forced him into it. Watching my "friends" disappear was one of the hardest things I'd ever live through, or just seeing which ones actually cared enough to listen. They were all so sure I has "misunderstood" that because I didn't scream or say "no" that it was just fine. Sometimes, I still get the flashbacks, those are the worst. They keep me up a

Welcome back, it has been forever since I have written anything that truly exposed my life. I'm starting out 2016 with the truth and allowing myself to write even the words that pain me. This story starts in early 2015, when things between me and Tyler couldn't have been worse. I spent my time wishing things would return to the way they were, when were happy and in love, when that exhilarating feeling of being in love would rush through me. But, he started taking more shifts at work and spending every ounce of free time on his car. I spoke to him maybe once a day and felt lucky to even get to hear his voice for a minute. He would usually tell me he was "busy" or working on his car, I fell second place to something that wasn't even alive. I was second place to a car, but still I tried to hold on to what I once felt, I wanted to hold onto those moments when nothing in the world seemed to matter. I still remember we got into a fight while I was writing a "reason

Another day another dollar, except your paying them to go to college. I have decided to embark on another social adventure, attempting to start a Computer Science chapter at my University! It is going to be an interesting road ahead but, I am hoping to really start a prosperous club that will continue to grow even after I leave college. Plus now that I have more free-time it seems like the perfect opportunity! I asked another girl to help me run the club, but I'm so excited I get to be president of something, especially something I started! I am also looking for an internship this summer, which I cannot stress enough how poorly I feel like I do writing cover letters! But the opportunities seems so amazing, it's as if new doors just keeping opening up! I am also excited about having the opportunity to work with bigger companies, I am just super nervous! It's so nerve-wracking to actually use my skills in the real world. I am just so afraid of not doing well or messing up, bu

Well it certainly has been a while since I have written anything on my blog! Honestly for the past year I have found myself at a loss for writing, I have struggled to write the simplest words down on paper. My new major Information Technology is mostly analytical thinking rather than creative so, I feel as though writing has been harder than ever! But, even though it might not be exactly the same I am going to try to keep writing! Lately, I have been working on my resume in the hopes of getting an internship, which is harder than you might think! I mean trying to write down marketable skills is like trying to predict the future! But, I'm hoping that I'll find something I love, like social media! School this semester has so far been alright, I don't feel stressed out to the max yet, and I actually like accounting! Who would have thought! Me a businesswoman? It sounded so foreign to me at one point, but I find myself hanging on every word during lectures! It's simply am

Lately, it seems like I have fallen out of paradise and into a new world, one I'm not completely sure I like. It seems as though I've fallen hard for the wrong man. Is it true that you can go so far down a path, and want to run back as quickly as possible, but still there your heart is hold out hope? My mind and my heart seem to be holding on to something that seems like it no longer exists. Should I stay second place, just to stay on your mind? Your only concerned with the right now, not what could be. After 2 years should I say goodbye and let go of the hope that I had for us? And yet here I look at my phone waiting for you to call. The feeling that I had for us, seems to fade when your gone, when all we do is prepare for battle, but when we're together, I feel vulnerable and those precious moments make all the difference. I feel the winter chill of our long lost love surround me. It chills me to the core, and yet there is still a small center of warmth radiating from m

Lately, everything just seems to be jumbled in words that could never sound beautiful no matter how you phrased them. We've been on a family vacation for the last two weeks, which has been simply been driving me crazy, because when you have two perfect cousins and a family who is convinced that your the devil it makes things insane. The trip already started out with problems because my grandmother believes what my cousins gossip about me, and honestly it's just unfair. They claimed that I blocked them from being able to call me, when in reality they ignore me in the grand scheme of the world. I should also say that it's annoying that my grandmother takes my uncle's side for everything, I felt as though for all the time we were on the cruise, I was listening to my grandmother talk about how everything I do is wrong and we had to wait everywhere for my uncle and his family. I did everything wrong because I wasn't interested in being friends with my cousins because of