When Did Life Stop Making Sense?

I know its been forever since I've been on or have written anything at all. Honestly this year has been driving me insane with all the madness. I still can't even believe that junior year is nearly over and I think I'm going to die. I take the SAT again on Saturday and I'm nervous as hell, one test defines who I am and will be, its insane! My love life, forget about it, its to complicated to explain. Honestly I know I'm making all the wrong choices yet, do so anyway. I guess its not my brightest ideas, but why do the wrong choices all feel so right? Why do all the wrong things in life seem like the more obvious choice? It seems as though the world is spinning its never going to end, is it? Everywhere I go all the voices bang against my head, making me want to just scream for it all to stop. All the pressure feels like a tower waiting to collapse, it feels as though a ton of bricks will fall right on top of me, crushing me underneath it all. Why can't I be like everyone else, just be a normal kid who screws up twenty trillion times and then fixes their mistakes not be held as god. I'm going to say things that I shouldn't, I'm going to laugh so hard I will cry, I'm gonna kiss the people I want, and I'm probably going to have as much regrets as anyone else. But, there is something inside of me that dies for the truth, for life to slow down. For life to pause. For it all to stop moving, days where I could just explore not always have to be somewhere or to be with someone. Days where the mountains are all I can see. Days where life just fades away. I feel bad for not being able to write more, but I'm completely exhausted so I bid you farewell.

~Liki

Comments

Wind Runner

Well, I'm up to about 3 posts in one day. I ran away a little while ago. But, I came back like I always do. Because, wherever I go they will find me and bring me back to where I started right here (in my house) I'll be writing most of the night anyway. It's about midnight here in NY. So, yup. Well, this is how the whole running away thing got started. I had been merely on the computer watching 'Picture This' on youtube. A simple evening for me, but then I hear my step-dad (ok, ewww I cannot say that word he should never have the word 'dad' in that title or whatever. I never liked him and never will. So I'll call him Mr. X.) Mr. X had called me over to the computer to sign into my itunes account because they had gotten a bill saying that itunes was used up to 60 dollars. Anyway, how that had actually happened was an accident, you see I had a graduation party for graduating middle school. So I had wanted an itunes card and, I would pay Mr. X back. So I ma...

Bound With Invisible Chains

Well, its early on a Tuesday I came into work early due to the absence of my coworker so here I am. Its such a peaceful morning so far, I can hear the coffee maker from the kitchen and silence. Its a relatively nice feeling, rather than the phone constantly shrilling, demanding immediate attention. Even my mother hasn't gotten to work yet, which is simply bizarre considering her job is her life. So, I'm sitting at the front desk typing away on my laptop and making coffee for my mother. She just walked in wondering where I was for most of the time, which it actually took me a half an hour to drive to work and I stopped along the way at a recreation center, just sitting in the field. It was so peaceful, now the office is starting to get a bit fussy as most type furiously across their keyboards and the morning coffee is quickly taken as, a crutch, for most tired employees. Some have not even stepped foot in the office, but rather chose an extra hour of sleep. Its going to be a lon...

My 100th post!

First, off I just wanna say thanks for all the people who read and listen to the struggles in my life. Second, I'm in complete shock that this is my 100th post! So, thanks for being there for me for four years! Anyway, to get this post going, I wanna just write.... it probably won't make a lot of sense when I finish but it'll be different, to say the least. So, Kataya goes back to Ukraine on Saturday and at this point I am pretty upset that she's leaving, she's become a little sister to me, and her smile could light up the whole world. However, in a malicious and selfish way I am kind of happy because for the last month my mom was too busy with Kataya to really notice me, strange how you want your parents to ignore you and when they do you want them to talk to you? Also the directors of the orphanage came to stay with us and to say the least their not my favorite people, but the leave tomorrow for New York City and I finally get my room back! But, its going to t...

Believe In Time

Search This Blog