Skip to main content

A Little Faith



The second year is well into gear however, I find myself wondering how people find enjoyment in college because to be truthful this college lacks so much yet, I find myself attached to it. But, last night definitely hit me hard my best friend of 3 years told me she doesn't want to be my friend anymore calling me selfish claiming that I was holding her back and didn't want her to make new friends, and explained to me that she didn't want to be my friend since sophomore year which definitely hit deep. I'm sitting there wondering to myself, if you had an issue with me why didn't you just tell me? And as far as not wanting her to make other friends I have to disagree, I wanted to protect her from the people who made fun of her and talked badly about her behind her back those "friends" I wanted to protect her from, yes. But, I'm forced to look at the question why am I not more upset? When she told me that I was not upset as I expected to be, I just told her that she has to do what she believes is right, but to tell you the truth she will always be part of my memories there is no changing that. I also recently saw the ex who goes to my college, even though its been a year I still have feelings for him time, doesn't change how I feel about him, but again I must remember that love will come to me when its ready. I just have to have faith, I'd be surprised how far a little faith will take me.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Wind Runner

Well, I'm up to about 3 posts in one day. I ran away a little while ago. But, I came back like I always do. Because, wherever I go they will find me and bring me back to where I started right here (in my house) I'll be writing most of the night anyway. It's about midnight here in NY. So, yup. Well, this is how the whole running away thing got started. I had been merely on the computer watching 'Picture This' on youtube. A simple evening for me, but then I hear my step-dad (ok, ewww I cannot say that word he should never have the word 'dad' in that title or whatever. I never liked him and never will. So I'll call him Mr. X.) Mr. X had called me over to the computer to sign into my itunes account because they had gotten a bill saying that itunes was used up to 60 dollars. Anyway, how that had actually happened was an accident, you see I had a graduation party for graduating middle school. So I had wanted an itunes card and, I would pay Mr. X back. So I ma...

The Freedom-less

Dreaming of Freedom      Well, here I am in physics class wanting to do nothing more than write, type all the thoughts that flow through my spirit and spill them on to these pages. Reveal all the secrets that I keep hidden in my heart. Well, my mother discovered that Tyler and I made love and is punishing me because of it. Forcing us to be unable to see each other, pay for tutoring, and be constantly tracked. I feel like I'm a deer trying to run from the hunter. And as the days go by I feel as though I'm slowly loosing my mind, I'm on complete lock down where the only things I can do are go to doctor's offices, work, school, and home. Its completely torturous, to the point where I've almost given up all hope completely and we almost broke up. But, through it all I know that even though the situation is difficult I will be twenty times as miserable if we weren't together. My mother has decided that I'm unfit to live life, because I love someone everything...

Finding Myself

So, my grandmother was right that I'd have an epiphany in the middle of the night. I just can't will myself to sleep so here I sit on my laptop typing away at one in the morning. It actually clears my head, allowing me to say everything that has been running through my mind. One of my exs this week proclaimed he still had feelings for me however, when I denied any type of physical relationship he seemed upset, but I knew better.... or did I? When his lips touched mine its as if the whole world seemed to disappear and all the things that he said disappeared and I entered a whole new world entirely. So, as my mind begins to flood with what to do with the situation the next morning all my questions come to a halt he sends me a text message starting out by saying he's sorry but, he can't be with me because I am, "an enemy to most of the school". I respond simply by stating, "good." Which I meant to the fullest extent it helps me weed out the people who a...