Another dull day, nothing stands out or even seems to catch my eye, as a girl whose always been fascinated by the world it couldn't appear more gray. The sky seems to have lost its blue and the gray clouds grow and just intensify the gloom. My whole life is filled with emptiness, utter emptiness, every breath I take just feels heavy and choking. I feel as though the air is thinning and soon I might loose consciousness of everything. And the saddest part is that I want it to happen I want to be so far into the darkness that I cannot feel anymore. All my life I've done my best to do everything I was expected to but, along the way I found someone, myself. I found myself, a girl who only wanted freedom and wanted explore every inch of the world. Now I stand a prisoner, cuffed in shackles that only bind me to my cruel punishment. I've learned the truth, it doesn't matter how much I do or how well my grades are it all doesn't matter- all that matters is what they want, who they want to mold me into. I attempt to resist, resist the sense of loosing myself entirely. Everywhere I go I'm told they're right but, that is all just lies. It's all lies disguised as the truth. I have fought all my life for freedom, for a chance to just live and breathe. So, now I stand here, a warrior fighting on the battlefield for my life, and slowly loosing myself in the process but know its worth fighting for. I have strived all my life to live up to all that I want to be and then find that all the world falls down around me and I am nearly crushed. Every moment of happiness that flourished once, seems to have disappeared and died as a weed. I write every word and cry out, only to be unheard and unnoticed. Its then I've realized I've already lost my voice and I've become part of the system the wheels slowly turning once again. I am a stranded solider on the battleground, who once stood tall and then found myself amongst the broken.
Well, I'm up to about 3 posts in one day. I ran away a little while ago. But, I came back like I always do. Because, wherever I go they will find me and bring me back to where I started right here (in my house) I'll be writing most of the night anyway. It's about midnight here in NY. So, yup. Well, this is how the whole running away thing got started. I had been merely on the computer watching 'Picture This' on youtube. A simple evening for me, but then I hear my step-dad (ok, ewww I cannot say that word he should never have the word 'dad' in that title or whatever. I never liked him and never will. So I'll call him Mr. X.) Mr. X had called me over to the computer to sign into my itunes account because they had gotten a bill saying that itunes was used up to 60 dollars. Anyway, how that had actually happened was an accident, you see I had a graduation party for graduating middle school. So I had wanted an itunes card and, I would pay Mr. X back. So I ma...
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