The Freedom-less

Dreaming of Freedom 

    Well, here I am in physics class wanting to do nothing more than write, type all the thoughts that flow through my spirit and spill them on to these pages. Reveal all the secrets that I keep hidden in my heart. Well, my mother discovered that Tyler and I made love and is punishing me because of it. Forcing us to be unable to see each other, pay for tutoring, and be constantly tracked. I feel like I'm a deer trying to run from the hunter. And as the days go by I feel as though I'm slowly loosing my mind, I'm on complete lock down where the only things I can do are go to doctor's offices, work, school, and home. Its completely torturous, to the point where I've almost given up all hope completely and we almost broke up. But, through it all I know that even though the situation is difficult I will be twenty times as miserable if we weren't together. My mother has decided that I'm unfit to live life, because I love someone everything I do is wrong. Granted in this whole situation I did miss class to be with him when he was sick because he had no one to take care of him and take him to the doctor, and he did the same for me. So, my mother thinks that I simply just want to miss class for the purpose of making love which is not true, its not true at all. But, that's all parents think that they're kids do. Which isn't true we are people too but, we have less and less rights as the days go by. Until the point where we want nothing to do with our parents at all because, all they seem to do is expect the world from us. In my opinion I believe that parents who have broken dreams will push those dreams onto their children; then us as children have to prove to our parents that we are our own people and that our dreams will be completely different and that we don't want to live the life they want us to live. I believe that my mother hasn't had the faith in me that all others tell me, if anything I believe that I have to live this life to the fullest in my own terms. I have always wanted freedom, freedom from everything that weighs me down to this Earth. I am a bird who has had wings all my life by yearns for the day when I can use them and fly high above the world and discover. However I will never believe that what I did was a mistake, in my mind it will always be a choice I will never regret. I will never ever believe that what I did was wrong, what I did was because of love and it happens to everyone. I can't even say that what my mother is doing right because its not, I can't even look at her without feeling a sense of complete indifference. I feel as though she has been like a leech, sucking the happiness from me until I am completely dry, until I cannot feel anything at all. She has taken away Tyler from me and follows me everywhere I go it is as though I am being crushed into a box with little happiness or freedom. So now every moment of my life is a sad one, where depression creeps in but, not by secret but prevalent. How can you not become depressed when your entire life is watched? When you are told that you will amount to nothing how can you not feel utterly sad and alone? But, in this life I believe that people deserve to live and make their own choices and explore the paths of life in front of them, because if you live the life others tell you to then you will find yourself years later unhappy and disappointed in yourself. Why is it that people have every idea how others should live their lives but have little idea about how to live their own? If anything I choose to live life because I only have the one chance I need to seize it.

“Who are you to judge the life I live?
I know I'm not perfect
-and I don't live to be-
but before you start pointing fingers...
make sure you hands are clean!” -Bob Marley