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Innocencetly Wrong


It's true I mean I have a great guy friend who I am in love with I don't exactly how it happened but it did and even though he tells me he doesn't like me in that way I can't accept it, I've never tried this hard in my life; I've always moved on before it could hurt. However we stayed really good friends despite my crush now I wonder to myself what have I done? I mean he knows it isn't my fault I like him however, I can tell that every time it comes up it kills him. I mean he just broke up with his girlfriend in California so I could understand why he doesn't wanna talk to me or even want to be near me however, what I don't understand is this... a few days ago we had a fight this is what happened (what he said is in blue what I said is in red) "i have something 2 ask u somethin important" "wut" "do u hate me u like always seem pissed @ me" "Im not pissed at all u just kinda come on me alot like u txt me everyday i know dat u like me but rlly alil to much" "stupid lil blonde me if u hate me jus say it dont play games u hate me or not seriously u dont like the way i am ill throw u righ back into the sea buddy boy" "i don't hate u u jus gotta back off alil more" "seriously just leave already will u" So yeah that's the story, now looking at those messages for what seems like the billionth time I realize that it's true, I have no way to defend it or deny it the proof is right there in front of me. However even though he may deny it he's in pain and rather than being worried about myself I'm more worried about him because I know my pain will become constant I've learned that well however there isn't one doubt in this world that if I could take the pain away from people I would, but I can't. Now I've realized I've crush something beautiful the three of us (my best friend, him, and myself) had the most weirdest friendship ever but, it was one of the best and now I can't ever get it back the saying "you don't know what you have till it's gone" is true I can't even explain it as far as the pain feels. However I learned humans cause their own suffering God doesn't do that we do, I told my best friend how I felt about all of this and she said to me "God hasn't abandoned you, he's sitting there watching us all cause it sometimes he doesn't always fix it sometimes he gives us the opportunity to fix it." That spoke to me saying to me that God has millions of other problems to fix however even the smallest problem you can still see a tear roll down His face. People heal in their own time as much as you wish it could go quicker it won't sometimes after experiences like this you won't be the same as you were before however, you can't be afraid that this will happen to you because it will and you have to realize that life is too precious to waste in the shadows of depression. You have to remember even through everything the only thing at the end of the day was the people who are there for you everyday and generally you take them for granted however after so many failed friendships you can tell that when it's true you can't walk away. Remember that when you suffer God isn't the one it is yourself. Next time you see that kid who always sits alone sit with them because those people have it a lot worse than you do even; those you consider "above you" they have problems you don't even recognize. As people have told me through out my life "Don't rush your life" it really does go much faster than you could even imagine. In my own world I feel like I'm all alone you aren't suffering in silence there are a thousands of hearts all crushed by the same depression. Never forget who you are you aren't what people create you into you are the best person you know.
Ella

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