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The Reason


Well today nothing went according to plan, everything seemed to become scrambled. I don't think I've felt so much pain in my life, losing everything is such a bitter sorrow. I though it would've been the best day of my life, turns out I was wrong, way, way wrong. When I saw Jose, he didn't even become happy, he looked at me as if he had never seen me in his life. As if I was some kid he never met before. He hugged me, then left me just like that. It felt like the wind, was stripped from my back, it grew cold and bitter. When he said goodbye to everyone, I was the last one standing looking like a fool for being there, I then just ran away. Drove away in my car hoping to forget it all, when I notice two cars on my phone. Their from him, I call him and hear his voice completely dead and lacking any emotion at all and that's when I knew. I felt that whatever we had was gone, but I don't understand it, I'm completely lost in this circle. Because one day, he makes me feel happy and tels me I'm beautiful and so on and so forth, but then the next its like we never knew each other at all. I can't help but, let the tears fall from my eyes. I feel like I'm in a world where there never seems to be anything but, spinning. Its so hard to watch the one that you fell, in love with walk away. I don't care, what they say about having to be a certain age to be in over, I think you can fall in love over and over again. And its true, that I love him but, I wish he could see that the girl, who is abnormal and crazy and loves being with him is right in front of him. But, they always overlook the writer girl. Sometimes, I feel like I'm invisible as though no one can see me or hear me, its like I never existed to begin with. My life is slowly being taken away, I can feel it slipping through my fingers, like thin air. All I can say, is that time is suppose to heal all wounds, isn't it? Well, my wounds are pretty big and they will take a while, but all I wish is that I could go back to the simple times where, Jose and I could just be ourselves, and not have to pretend to be anybody else. I miss his laugh, everything about him, its impossible to go a day without thinking about how we use to be. When it was skyping every night about little dramas, or the monumental ones or how when we first met there was no one else I'd rather be than myself. How his smile, made mine light up twice as much, because I finally had that one person who made everything go away. I didn't mean to fall for him, I didn't actually want to like him because, I was afraid that if he knew our friendship would collapse. And so far, it truly hasn't been the same. I miss when we would talk about nothing, but the thought of him with another girl, brings me to tears. Well, I can't say that waiting never works, I guess I really should live up to that whole "love is patient" thing. I can see it in my friends eyes they don't know what to do with me, a love sick girl who is in and out of love trying to find the one that makes every bad memory of the past seem far away and make the future irresistible. And to quote an Avril song here, I don't love Jose just because he's beautiful (although, that doesn't hurt) I love him is because, "is you being you; yeah the reason I love you; is all that we've been through" when I'm with Jose I don't stand alone. For once. So yeah, maybe I am a little bit of a love sick puppy, but I've never felt so deep, in anything else. Honestly if Jose forgot my name everyday and who I was, I wouldn't care as long as he was there with him. When we stood on top of the world, (okay, so maybe not the world but, at least my world) I felt as though there was nothing else that could be more beautiful. So, Jose if you asked me why I love you I would tell you that it's just because your you and no one can change that.

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