Well, today honestly, wasn't any better than yesterday. Sometimes I wish I was born into a different family, a different world. Because, now my mother has finally gotten what she's always wanted, another child. She came in today from Ukraine, and to be honest I really haven't said anything to her or made much eye contact with her. How can I look at my own replacement? Everyone tells me, oh she doesn't replace you and that's the biggest lie I've ever heard. My mom barely noticed me today its like I was completely invisible. And I think everyone wants to be invisible, every once in a while, but not all the time. Sometimes I just can't help but feel that if I disappeared no one would notice, life would go on. I can't help thinking about everything I've ever had, it doesn't seem like it was really mine, my mother's love only was there when I was brand new, now I've disappeared. I just wish that I could get in my car and drive, doesn't matter where to, but only far away from here. Spread my wings and fly, without anyone telling me no, where no one told me what to wish, or what to dream. It was my choice, it was what I wanted. I've looked at my life and found out that it's not what I wanted, its what everyone else wanted for me, not what I've truly wanted to spend my life doing. If I had my choice, I'd trade my car for a pick up truck so that way, I could spend everyday driving and when it's be late at night I'd drive to the shore and sleep in the back, staring at the stars. And when driving would get dull I'd go back home and ride my horse for miles, never ending, exploring every part of the world together. If I had my choice I wouldn't have to go home to a mother who never noticed me and always expected me to be the best, I'd go home to a family just happy to see me. If I had my choice I could be a writer and the world would just accept that. If the world turned the way I wanted we'd be living in a different universe all together.
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