Believe In Time

Another day, tomorrow marks the summer as half over however, I still find myself bored by the lack of excitement. It feels as though I've been transported into the world of an adult yet, I'm not ready for it. It all seems too fast and confusing as though the world is simply content to move on and drag me along with them. These days almost everything I do is independent, my friends have been rather silent, we've all been sinking into the world of uncomfortable silence. Where there is no "how was your day?" but, rather nothing at all. Now, all you can find me doing is sitting at my desk curled up with a book on philosophy or so on. Its turning out to be the complete opposite of what I was hoping for, and now the road to a future career is becoming more and more unsure. It feels as though as time ticks down to graduation I become more and more uncertain of what I want to do with my life. The path that once seemed so clear is becoming more uncertain as the days pass b...

First, off I just wanna say thanks for all the people who read and listen to the struggles in my life. Second, I'm in complete shock that this is my 100th post! So, thanks for being there for me for four years! Anyway, to get this post going, I wanna just write.... it probably won't make a lot of sense when I finish but it'll be different, to say the least. So, Kataya goes back to Ukraine on Saturday and at this point I am pretty upset that she's leaving, she's become a little sister to me, and her smile could light up the whole world. However, in a malicious and selfish way I am kind of happy because for the last month my mom was too busy with Kataya to really notice me, strange how you want your parents to ignore you and when they do you want them to talk to you? Also the directors of the orphanage came to stay with us and to say the least their not my favorite people, but the leave tomorrow for New York City and I finally get my room back! But, its going to t...

Lately, I've been wrapped in trivial things and have honestly really not had anything that eventful happen. Which to me is rare. Honestly the week just started so, I'm probably jinxing myself; but, it has been nice to no longer deal with friend drama. The only drama around here is how annoying Mr. X is, I swear he is the king of complaining especially lately its gotten to a point where it just irritates the heck out of me. But, other than that its been pretty quiet, ever since Jose left its been pretty silent, which isn't all bad my heart is recovering, of course the wound is deep but if I let other people control me then I'll fall to pieces. I know life will go on, it always has, my phone has been pretty quiet too; not many people are around everybody's just doing their own thing, which strangely doesn't bother me. I've just been minding my own business, just going to work and listening to music which has really been most of my summer. Well, I did see a Cob...

So, my blog finally was updated! Yay! I have to admit I was a little hesitant to change the design but, I did its time for a change. My office this morning is completely dull, nothing has been happening so its nice because I do get more time to relax and just be myself so at least that's good. Plus, to make matters better, this morning I woke up completely rested and ready to face the day. It was such a good morning even though as soon as I came downstairs it was hectic, I felt happy. I've decided that its time for a change, when I wrote yesterday I was sad and depressed but, today is much better I realized that I have so many good people around me; they care for me and believe in me and have been there through it all. So, it struck me why am I wasting my time on people who didn't matter, who only punished me for being myself? It might take a while for me to get over him, but you know what? Who cares. If he couldn't see how amazing and different I was then that's hi...

I know I haven't written in a while but, trust me with the days I'm having I don't think its unusual. So, Jose decided to push me out of his life and I'm still trying to figure out why, guess it will always be a mystery but, the things he said stung, like a knife cutting through me and dang they cut deep. "Thank god I don't have to deal with a walking waste of time such as yourself so much a weight was lifted off my back no please bitch go to your special spot in the corner and cry for all I care and you damn well know who you are." If that doesn't cut deep I don't know what does, just looking at that made it hard to sleep. And the strange part is, that I don't even understand why he said it! Honestly, this whole time I just wanted to be everyones friend, I didn't want to start drama, story of my life. Its like watching the world crumble, and to be honest I did cry, because I lost someone who I believed I could trust, and its the most shock...