Skip to main content

The Winds of Change


So, my blog finally was updated! Yay! I have to admit I was a little hesitant to change the design but, I did its time for a change. My office this morning is completely dull, nothing has been happening so its nice because I do get more time to relax and just be myself so at least that's good. Plus, to make matters better, this morning I woke up completely rested and ready to face the day. It was such a good morning even though as soon as I came downstairs it was hectic, I felt happy. I've decided that its time for a change, when I wrote yesterday I was sad and depressed but, today is much better I realized that I have so many good people around me; they care for me and believe in me and have been there through it all. So, it struck me why am I wasting my time on people who didn't matter, who only punished me for being myself? It might take a while for me to get over him, but you know what? Who cares. If he couldn't see how amazing and different I was then that's his loss, not mine. I know, I may not be the simplest person alive nor the most complex but, I have issues and that's just a part of life there is no way around that. So, all we have to do is overcome them, it sounds easier than it is but, it is possible. There are so many people in the world not everyone is going to like you, that you can't control but, you can control how you react to it. How you deal, with your issues, this whole experience has given me some new light, that things like this happen and they truly shed light on who your real friends are and who will just be in your life for a short period of time. Honestly, I don't regret Jose at all but, rather feel that it helped me grow as not only a person but, in experience. It also puts into perspective the people that surrond me love me and care about me, and there is nothing else that can compare to that. There will be so many people that will try to knock me down, but I have to have the power to stand up and face it; because if I never stand again that is my fault. Life is full of challenges and hardships, times that will knock you off your feet and will make you rethink your choices and decisions but, if it wasn't for those times the good times would seem less important, and less eccentric than anything else. So, I'm going to follow the advice before me, I need to live like I'm dying, because if we forget that than the life we dreamed of will cease to exist. Here is a poem that my coworker shared with me and I have to admit, that this puts things with Jose in an interesting twist.

I walk down the street
There is a hole in the sidewalk
I fall in
I'm lost. . . I'm helpless
It isn't my fault
It takes me forever to find a way out

I walk down the same street
There's a deep hole in the sidewalk
I pretend I don't see it
I fall in again
I can't believe I'm in the same place
But it isn't my fault
It still takes a long time to get out

I walk down the same street
There's a deep hole in the sidewalk
I see it there
I still fall in. . . it's a habit
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault
I get out immediately

I walk down the same street
There's a deep hole in the sidewalk
I walk around it

I walk down another street

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Wind Runner

Well, I'm up to about 3 posts in one day. I ran away a little while ago. But, I came back like I always do. Because, wherever I go they will find me and bring me back to where I started right here (in my house) I'll be writing most of the night anyway. It's about midnight here in NY. So, yup. Well, this is how the whole running away thing got started. I had been merely on the computer watching 'Picture This' on youtube. A simple evening for me, but then I hear my step-dad (ok, ewww I cannot say that word he should never have the word 'dad' in that title or whatever. I never liked him and never will. So I'll call him Mr. X.) Mr. X had called me over to the computer to sign into my itunes account because they had gotten a bill saying that itunes was used up to 60 dollars. Anyway, how that had actually happened was an accident, you see I had a graduation party for graduating middle school. So I had wanted an itunes card and, I would pay Mr. X back. So I ma...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Freedom-less

Dreaming of Freedom      Well, here I am in physics class wanting to do nothing more than write, type all the thoughts that flow through my spirit and spill them on to these pages. Reveal all the secrets that I keep hidden in my heart. Well, my mother discovered that Tyler and I made love and is punishing me because of it. Forcing us to be unable to see each other, pay for tutoring, and be constantly tracked. I feel like I'm a deer trying to run from the hunter. And as the days go by I feel as though I'm slowly loosing my mind, I'm on complete lock down where the only things I can do are go to doctor's offices, work, school, and home. Its completely torturous, to the point where I've almost given up all hope completely and we almost broke up. But, through it all I know that even though the situation is difficult I will be twenty times as miserable if we weren't together. My mother has decided that I'm unfit to live life, because I love someone everything...
Post a Comment
Read more

Finding Myself

So, my grandmother was right that I'd have an epiphany in the middle of the night. I just can't will myself to sleep so here I sit on my laptop typing away at one in the morning. It actually clears my head, allowing me to say everything that has been running through my mind. One of my exs this week proclaimed he still had feelings for me however, when I denied any type of physical relationship he seemed upset, but I knew better.... or did I? When his lips touched mine its as if the whole world seemed to disappear and all the things that he said disappeared and I entered a whole new world entirely. So, as my mind begins to flood with what to do with the situation the next morning all my questions come to a halt he sends me a text message starting out by saying he's sorry but, he can't be with me because I am, "an enemy to most of the school". I respond simply by stating, "good." Which I meant to the fullest extent it helps me weed out the people who a...
1 comment
Read more