Skip to main content

My Deep Cut


I know I haven't written in a while but, trust me with the days I'm having I don't think its unusual. So, Jose decided to push me out of his life and I'm still trying to figure out why, guess it will always be a mystery but, the things he said stung, like a knife cutting through me and dang they cut deep. "Thank god I don't have to deal with a walking waste of time such as yourself so much a weight was lifted off my back no please bitch go to your special spot in the corner and cry for all I care and you damn well know who you are." If that doesn't cut deep I don't know what does, just looking at that made it hard to sleep. And the strange part is, that I don't even understand why he said it! Honestly, this whole time I just wanted to be everyones friend, I didn't want to start drama, story of my life. Its like watching the world crumble, and to be honest I did cry, because I lost someone who I believed I could trust, and its the most shocking of all. It caused an empty hollow feeling to build up inside of me. But, it puts it in perspective for me, who the people that are going to be there forever and those, that were never there to begin with. I haveto be honest I'm completely unfeeling at this point, I have nothing to really say about it. I think the true strength comes from being able to endure the pain, and I'm not going to blast things about him all over the internet because, that's not who I am at all. I don't believe in writing stuff like that, all I do is write the truth. But, if I can say one thing now, I'm going to confess here: all I wanted was for there to be no drama at all and I just wanted to be a friend to someone else and see a smile light up their face. But, I've been drowned by those words, but, its not going to stop me from leading my life. They never said life would be easy, they just promised it'd be worth it, and I believe that. Life goes on, I know it does, I've gone on for years with hatred because I am me, this is just a bump in the road of life. I can't write anymore, when I can I shall but right now I feel sick to my stomach.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Wind Runner

Well, I'm up to about 3 posts in one day. I ran away a little while ago. But, I came back like I always do. Because, wherever I go they will find me and bring me back to where I started right here (in my house) I'll be writing most of the night anyway. It's about midnight here in NY. So, yup. Well, this is how the whole running away thing got started. I had been merely on the computer watching 'Picture This' on youtube. A simple evening for me, but then I hear my step-dad (ok, ewww I cannot say that word he should never have the word 'dad' in that title or whatever. I never liked him and never will. So I'll call him Mr. X.) Mr. X had called me over to the computer to sign into my itunes account because they had gotten a bill saying that itunes was used up to 60 dollars. Anyway, how that had actually happened was an accident, you see I had a graduation party for graduating middle school. So I had wanted an itunes card and, I would pay Mr. X back. So I ma...
Post a Comment
Read more

Accepted

College. The words that determine the rest of your life. The words that run across your mind once you graduate high school. The words that make you think of parties and four more years of exams. However, this is the chance when you get to choose how you spend your days, what you learn right? At least that's the look I see on many freshman when they come to college, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed jumping at the opportunity to take a reign on their lives or you have those who are excited for the four years of partying that comes ahead, and finally you have those students who come in trailing behind their parent waiting for the tour to be over usually listening to music. These three type of students however, all fall into the same muddling and confusing first year of college, where all three take the same meaningless courses and after the year is over worry about what is next. This is the point where the education system comes in and molds you. In college, the choice is everything. ...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Freedom-less

Dreaming of Freedom      Well, here I am in physics class wanting to do nothing more than write, type all the thoughts that flow through my spirit and spill them on to these pages. Reveal all the secrets that I keep hidden in my heart. Well, my mother discovered that Tyler and I made love and is punishing me because of it. Forcing us to be unable to see each other, pay for tutoring, and be constantly tracked. I feel like I'm a deer trying to run from the hunter. And as the days go by I feel as though I'm slowly loosing my mind, I'm on complete lock down where the only things I can do are go to doctor's offices, work, school, and home. Its completely torturous, to the point where I've almost given up all hope completely and we almost broke up. But, through it all I know that even though the situation is difficult I will be twenty times as miserable if we weren't together. My mother has decided that I'm unfit to live life, because I love someone everything...
Post a Comment
Read more