Skip to main content

My Deep Cut


I know I haven't written in a while but, trust me with the days I'm having I don't think its unusual. So, Jose decided to push me out of his life and I'm still trying to figure out why, guess it will always be a mystery but, the things he said stung, like a knife cutting through me and dang they cut deep. "Thank god I don't have to deal with a walking waste of time such as yourself so much a weight was lifted off my back no please bitch go to your special spot in the corner and cry for all I care and you damn well know who you are." If that doesn't cut deep I don't know what does, just looking at that made it hard to sleep. And the strange part is, that I don't even understand why he said it! Honestly, this whole time I just wanted to be everyones friend, I didn't want to start drama, story of my life. Its like watching the world crumble, and to be honest I did cry, because I lost someone who I believed I could trust, and its the most shocking of all. It caused an empty hollow feeling to build up inside of me. But, it puts it in perspective for me, who the people that are going to be there forever and those, that were never there to begin with. I haveto be honest I'm completely unfeeling at this point, I have nothing to really say about it. I think the true strength comes from being able to endure the pain, and I'm not going to blast things about him all over the internet because, that's not who I am at all. I don't believe in writing stuff like that, all I do is write the truth. But, if I can say one thing now, I'm going to confess here: all I wanted was for there to be no drama at all and I just wanted to be a friend to someone else and see a smile light up their face. But, I've been drowned by those words, but, its not going to stop me from leading my life. They never said life would be easy, they just promised it'd be worth it, and I believe that. Life goes on, I know it does, I've gone on for years with hatred because I am me, this is just a bump in the road of life. I can't write anymore, when I can I shall but right now I feel sick to my stomach.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Bound With Invisible Chains

Well, its early on a Tuesday I came into work early due to the absence of my coworker so here I am. Its such a peaceful morning so far, I can hear the coffee maker from the kitchen and silence. Its a relatively nice feeling, rather than the phone constantly shrilling, demanding immediate attention. Even my mother hasn't gotten to work yet, which is simply bizarre considering her job is her life. So, I'm sitting at the front desk typing away on my laptop and making coffee for my mother. She just walked in wondering where I was for most of the time, which it actually took me a half an hour to drive to work and I stopped along the way at a recreation center, just sitting in the field. It was so peaceful, now the office is starting to get a bit fussy as most type furiously across their keyboards and the morning coffee is quickly taken as, a crutch, for most tired employees. Some have not even stepped foot in the office, but rather chose an extra hour of sleep. Its going to be a lon...

Wind Runner

Well, I'm up to about 3 posts in one day. I ran away a little while ago. But, I came back like I always do. Because, wherever I go they will find me and bring me back to where I started right here (in my house) I'll be writing most of the night anyway. It's about midnight here in NY. So, yup. Well, this is how the whole running away thing got started. I had been merely on the computer watching 'Picture This' on youtube. A simple evening for me, but then I hear my step-dad (ok, ewww I cannot say that word he should never have the word 'dad' in that title or whatever. I never liked him and never will. So I'll call him Mr. X.) Mr. X had called me over to the computer to sign into my itunes account because they had gotten a bill saying that itunes was used up to 60 dollars. Anyway, how that had actually happened was an accident, you see I had a graduation party for graduating middle school. So I had wanted an itunes card and, I would pay Mr. X back. So I ma...

My 100th post!

First, off I just wanna say thanks for all the people who read and listen to the struggles in my life. Second, I'm in complete shock that this is my 100th post! So, thanks for being there for me for four years! Anyway, to get this post going, I wanna just write.... it probably won't make a lot of sense when I finish but it'll be different, to say the least. So, Kataya goes back to Ukraine on Saturday and at this point I am pretty upset that she's leaving, she's become a little sister to me, and her smile could light up the whole world. However, in a malicious and selfish way I am kind of happy because for the last month my mom was too busy with Kataya to really notice me, strange how you want your parents to ignore you and when they do you want them to talk to you? Also the directors of the orphanage came to stay with us and to say the least their not my favorite people, but the leave tomorrow for New York City and I finally get my room back! But, its going to t...