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Feels like you're dying


This week has been awful everyone keeps breaking me down everything in my life goes wrong. I can't do anything right I've been banged up right and left and I have lost the battle. Trying to pretend everything is okay in my life when my heart is cut open and smashed to pieces. I am not doing well in science at all I mean I'm trying so hard not break down but I do a repeating failure everything hasn't been going well for me. I mean I'm in love with one of my guy friends like it's bad because I just can't get over him and my best friend just hasn't been able to talk to me and now I grow cold because of all this stress I feel hopelessly trapped and if my life isn't traumatic enough my mother is suing my dad for failure to pay the child support and now I wonder why can't I be a normal teenager no I have to be special as well. Also what made this weekend just great is that my best friend gave me a total panic attack because she could become just like me. Which would be bad. I mean if you have read any of my other posts my life is just a ball of joy no pain seems to cease I 'll just be a bleeding fat girl that's all I am who knows absolutely nothing; perfectly clueless. Also Valentine's Day is almost here, the most freakin' hated day of the year heart breaking and stupid because I mean who the hell wants to proclaim that you love them? Seriously I've spent every damn Valentines Day alone it gets to be another stupid day in this sad life we live in. Also I failed the mention the most "exciting" thing about this year my Dad's probably getting hitched just how damn great is that? I am just so "happy". Yeah just great. Well my life is now completely perfect. I mean it's just amazing, isn't it? I've spent most of the weekend crying in the corner by myself. Oh and MIDTERMS are next week yes my life is just great but, sorry have to go have some fun doing chores whoope. Hello Cinderella.

Comments

  1. Evening StarJanuary 21, 2010 at 5:13 AM

    Life is a bitter struggle
    Between joys and pain.
    You need to put out your hand
    To get on your feet again.

    There are highs and lows
    But in this you must know
    That oftimes it's never the same
    Above as it is below.

    Teenage years are full of stress
    This I know quite well
    For you see, my dear godchild
    My own was also hell :(

    But use what you've been given
    To learn those lessons too
    In later years you'll come to find
    What Blessings are given you

    You have a roof over your head
    You have food to eat each day
    You have a chance to learn
    You have a right to pray

    You don't have to work for your fare
    Or slave in a factory all day
    You don't have to steal from trash
    To feed yourself today

    You live in a place
    Where you are free
    You can blog your pain
    You can watch TV

    While there is pain from time to time,
    I know, it lasts only a short while
    Trust and have faith in God Above
    He can help bring back that smile.

    - You Know Who ;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Evening StarJanuary 27, 2010 at 7:26 AM

    It's me again. I found a song I wrote when I was a teenager this past weekend. I think you can see in it that I can relate to your feelings.

    Loneliness is when your troubles surround you
    And no friends have found you
    When pain fills your mind
    That all your fun is left behind
    + + +
    Now is the time
    To pull out from your mind
    You must be strong
    Never hold onto your pain for long
    + + +
    Loneliness is when your parents always nag you
    Your siblings are on your case too
    You find that there's no place to run
    All your friends are free to have fun
    + + +
    Now is the time
    To pull out from your mind
    You must be strong
    Never hold onto your pain for long
    + + +
    Loneliness is when you reach end of the line
    Your choice is to end time
    And you're looking for a simple way
    To end the pain that haunts you every day
    + + +
    Now is the time
    To pull out from your mind
    You must be strong
    Never hold onto your pain for long
    + + +
    Loneliness is when you find the dark vastness
    As it swallows you by the masses
    The meaning of loneliness is clear to you now
    It's a shame friends didn't see the signs by now
    [PAUSE]
    + + +
    Now is the time
    To pull out from your mind
    You must be strong
    Never hold onto your pain for long
    Never hold onto your pain for long

    I'll sing it to you after you read this, so you can hear the melody as well, if you desire.

    - ESA

    ReplyDelete

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