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Imperfection makes us AMAZING


I am truly becoming less and less sure of what I'm doing, whether I'm just going crazy or what. Honestly, I truly don't want to analyze Luke right now, that I'm not gonna touch on. Walter, forget it, he kept giving me these, "I don't know you, you're a horrible person, get the hell away from me" stares. Whatever. In other news, junior year is so much work! Everything just feels rushed, all the time. Truthfully, I wish it would all stop. My life feels like its running ahead of me, and here I am twenty miles behind and still trying to catch up. So I keep on running, however I'm not getting any closer. My teachers are beginning to look sick of me, even my favorite teacher looked pretty pissed at me today, to say the least, I wanted to sink into the floor. These moments really make me jealous of Rainey, my best friend, I mean, the girl's got it all going for her. She's smart, pretty, skinny, she's got a million friends, a twin sister for support, and she's got the biggest dreams I've ever seen. It does make me wonder sometimes how we could ever be friends, we're complete opposites. I'm pretty much the all-over-the-place kind of person somedays I'm a punk-rock type of girl: my fingernails painted black, my eye makeup heavy, and wearing all black with my metallic-looking belt but other days a complete beach girl- wearing bright blue, light eye makeup, and it resembles a much girly side of me, which kind of creeps me out a bit. I'm caught between two different sides of myself. While Rainey has it all figured out, I can't really think of what else she can have. All I want is just that one person you pour your soul into and they'd be there forever, no matter what happens, how many fights, or whatever. That person who you swore was your sister, you go everywhere with, that one person who let you feel like you weren't lost to the winds of time. Because I think somewhere between my past and now, I was lost in the process, turning into this very stubborn and hard core type of person. If only they knew how truly vulnerable I am, but how I let those words seep into me, pouring down into my heart. Sometimes I think that I only remember the bad more than the good memories of my life, most likely, because they stand out to me as those dark moments you wish could disappear. Most of my friends find it completely weird how I always tell them to read this blog, however here I can say anything, all those things that I couldn't say to their faces, sits here. Because here, there is no judging or critiquing just what I want to say. From all the blogs I've ever written you know that I'm not perfect, I've got just as much problems as anybody else, but what I hate is that I get all the grief for the choices i make, and not every one is right, probably half of them are completely stupid, but I'm just a human being, and that's good enough for me.
~Liki

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