Unfabulous

I haven't been on in days now, probably because I'm caught up in my own drama. Simply because I'm a teenager and drama is all a part of that experience of being young. The word "unfabulous" describes my life perfectly, because today everyone stared at me because I was carrying my monster of a backpack on my back and since it has a hiking backpack the ties that go around the waist kept hitting the sides of the bus, not to mention I was carrying a bag filled with books and my pack it. So, that definitely got some stares. I feel like high school is just pure embarrassment, crazy amounts of work, and a desperation to be someone you're not. My junior year sometimes feels like the worst thing that has ever happened to me, because now that I'm a junior everything slowly starts slipping away, out from underneath. Whenever you think to yourself there is so little time to waste, because were close to the falling curtain of the play, you wonder whether everything in high school was truly just a dream. I wonder to myself, if my friends now will stand by me forever or if that's what I'm driven to believe. Somehow, I feel like all the friendships I have will quickly evaporate once high school is over, hopefully I'll be able to see the world before I'm gone. Lately, I've been with my ex boyfriend more and more, Luke (as I've probably mentioned in the previous posts) and honestly even on this blog I can't really say what's been happening, cauz my mom has found this place. But, we've been together for hours and hours at a time, sometimes just talking about the world other times just for the company. My two friends Monica and Rainey, are in the dark about what has been going on and as bad as it is, I want to keep this from them. Because Rainey, I know is trying to understand what to say, but she just is starting to grow distant, so I keep off the topic. Monica, just doesn't care so instead of telling them two I tell one of my quietest friends, Hira. She rocks! I can tell her anything no judging, or questions I feel like she's allowing me to make my own decisions. My friends have always tried to influence me because, I'm completely wreakless, however Hira is the complete opposite she lets me make my choices so eventually I learn from them.