Believe In Time

Wow it has seriously been forever since I have been on my blog. I've been so wrapped up in relationship issuses and school I've barely had enough time to breathe. Lately I have been the biggest player in the world because of the influences around me and I've fell to them, sadly. My life is in a constant spiral I finally see my overly perfect cousins beautiful and smart. Hard to not lose confidence, right? However the constant thoughts remain in my mind love is hard and dangerous becasue of the truth that lies between words the unspoken it all seems so close yet so far. Everything in a flux. Who am I to say life is hard when I have a roof, food, water, and dear faimly who love me why does the concept seem so forigen? To believe anyone cares is the most hardest concept to believe, because love is a different philosphy in itself, different idea, a different world. If you ever truly think about it you'll never know what it is exactly because once you feel the idea there is ...

I promise that I'm not so far away.This Christmas is so close however the gifts to me don't matter so much this is the day Jesus was born the day he came into this world as an innocent child and grew into an adult however did Jesus ever know how much He meant to us? Every year I walk into a mall and see people rush from store to store in the designer boots, bags that cost more than my house the skinny body I could only wish I could have while I appear as a girl in glasses carrying my book. I begin to see that even though they believe they have it all I am the lucky winner while I see those dropping more money than imaginable I had the best gift in the world one money could not buy the true meaning of Christmas. This is the time of the year when Jesus came to Earth and saved us all. However the feeling of guilt sits in my stomach because Jesus died on that cross for me and I whispered quietly to myself how could I have been so selfish? Jesus died just for my sake and for the res...

This ride that were on, it may be hard to understand it may be hard to think we're not alone however God has been standing there next to us this whole time, telling us everything is alright and not to worry because he will always be there for us. God has been in our own secret garden in pur hearts he sits under the white arch on the bench waiting for us and we try so hard to reach Him we try to extend our arms out so we will be caught in his embrace till the tears fall.

Man, everything has been crazy lately. Love is the most dangerous game I could play, because I somehow secretly know that feelings will get crushed and there is always too many expectations that are impossible. However , why does it make us all feel so beautiful inside? Why does it make us feel amazing and other emotions that suddenly rush to the surface because you feel so happy. The the thoughts slowly drift into your mind till they become part of your every thought, and when you stay in love it isn't so bad. However the drifting feeling of love makes everything hard and painful and you you begin to wonder why fell in love to begin with. The hours upon hours of crying and desperate texts and calls then turning to anger where you burn all their pictures and listen to Taylor Swift's "Picture to burn" more times than you can count backwards. Love they say, is only infatuation when you're younger however when you get older the more you realize how fake love had beco...

“ Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. ” As we go through life we worry what everyone else thinks when really we forget ourselves and how we are amazing no matter what anyone says, no matter how much life hits us we must stand up for ours...

I just need to know Do you like Shakespeare? Jeff Buckley? Watching movies on Sunday? Do you like kissing when it's raining? Making faces in the station? Do you like, I need to know What do you like? before you go Just tell me now what can you do to me that'll make this any better 'Cauz watching you makes me smile Makes me run a mile Just to see you And the places you go to Tell me Romeo What won't you do I want to go too You stopped and starred When I told you I was in love with you You told me you'd never go So magical Now were so in love and I'll never let you go It's just you and me Now here we go But I wanna know Do you like Shakespeare? Jeff Buckley? Watching movies on Sunday? Do you like kissing when it's raining? Making faces in the station? Do you like, I need to know What do you like? before you go

I know I know it's been forever since I've actually written I can actually say I'm lost in more ways than one right now, lately I feel like the center of attention I have so many boys after me and so many girls wanna hang out and I have straight A's to anyone else this would be awesome but for some reason lately I can be the most bipolar person I can be so happy at one point at others I can be so depressed. I'll tell you the truth I'm still stuck on Walter although I would never admit it to his face, today he wouldn't even look at me like if he did his eyes would burn out of their sockets or something, to be honest that totally freaked me out. Although I'm so hung up on the idea of proving myself to him I have no idea why I just want him to see how amazing I am and who I really am. Please, like that'd ever happen. I'm stuck in my own world I'm trapped I have so many people in my ear lately to anyone else having so many friends would be ...

Ever feel like your under appreciated? Welcome to my life, being a maid is my future career I know common complaint of every kid but, this is getting ridiculous I mean when ever something goes wrong I'm always the first to be blamed even if it wasn't me but the source of all horridness is my step dad so conceded and selfish firstly I've taken notice that now whenever he wants something done it's always "I don't want" or "I want" like a little six year old, and excuse me for sounding disrespectful but I feel like I'm the assistant of some Hollywood star. Stuck doing everything for instance not too long ago he knew I had to read 'Pride and Prejudice' for school yet he asked me to take out the dog so I hurried and finished my page and then I was prepared to put him in the back however he says "No, I don't want to get in the habit of putting him (the dog) in the backyard we just fixed our lawn." If he doesn't want to let...

The new school year runs close and as any student you can only imagine the agony of the hard work that you spend hours upon; yet joy pulses through your veins because you can't wait to see your friends. However even though school "promotes" being yourself with your own wants and desires parents are still at command central. I know common child complaint, right? What you typically hear is "It's not fair!", "I didn't do anything!", "Why do you always blame me?!", "I don't know what you're talking about!", and so on. However, what people fail to realize is that children are the future, we have just as much to say about certain topics as adults. For example my mom thinks people who are gay are freaks were on the other hand I'm okay with people being gay it's never bothered me. We ("children") begin to realize to almost every adult appearance is everything when one moment you could be scolding a child ...

"And I wonder if I ever cross your mind. For me it happens all the time." How true this statement is, I need help because I've lost my way, I need to find it again. It's finals soon so I'm freaking out, I can't believe how many blogs it's been since I started high school, crazy. I've been overly stressed out lately with dance recitals to simple things. I wish I knew the answers to life, with Walter everything has been confusing I simply today didn't even have the courage to say anything to him, because what could I say? The words have run slim, what will happens to life after you? He wouldn't even know it he's taught me to be strong because I am weak but, he's taught me so many things I use to copy him but I've learned to be myself no matter how crazy. If I could say the words that've ran across my mind, I would walk up to him and ask him to just listen and her are my words "Walter I can't say how much I...

This was my quiz result I think it's pretty true read it Full of calm and tranquillity, people often find themselves drawn to you when they\'re emotionally frazzled. You have unerring patience and are happy to listen to others and be there for your friends when they need you most.\n\nDon\'t let yourself be fooled by your positive demeanour, however; you are prone to depressive swoops every now and again, and though they tend to be brief and unexplainable they can be consuming and mean that no one can reach out for you until they\'re over - at which time you return to your usual peaceful and light self once more.\n\nYou\'re a very honest person but are very good at making even the most harsh truths bearable - you have a talent for keeping people calm, emanating your own composure to those that need it. Also intelligent, you are a bright and keen learner, though sometimes may be unwilling to learn things that do not interest you - and why should you? Work...

Do you ever wonder why we're around? Why the Earth still moves forward? When we feel as though our world has stopped completely in motion. My world is undeniably deleterious, in other words bad. My true issue is not within the human mind's grasp but rather the long past dreams fading upon my windowsill. I've failed at life so many times I don't know how to find the hope I love. When God calls my name I don't hear Him, lost in our own human selfishness. Crying out to the sky in the rain calling Him, He hears us. The hardest part of being human is to accept your mistakes, to start over. When we cry out to the Lord have we ever asked Him what He wanted? Everything in this world happens for a reason, what is His reason? If only life had the way to tell us everything is alright. As people in this world we need our wake up call and to realize God is here however, when we are blinded by our own wants and needs, God says to us that He was there we just didn't realize it...

Today I am happy but, the adrenaline is running thin. Lately the kid I like has been avoiding me and rejecting me now, I don't know what to do. However, I have Chris, a new guy friend I have now I'm starting to wonder have I have I fallen all over again? Oh no. It's been raining for the last few days so my eating habits have been getting bad. I need to go out, badly. However the question is how bad do I want Walter's friendship is enough to fight for it? Or is it the time we went or separate ways? The choice breaks me apart everytime. But what I have learned I may not know how to do everything right but, I know how to be me and that the best gift anyone could have given me. Love, Ella

When the world turns where do you go? When you realize all that you knew was all fantasy what do you do? I just found out for myself someone might say they care but, the person I knew wasn't kidding they really do care and I lost it, I mean I'm a screw up I know it and won't hide from the truth because here it stands in front of me. I remember when my mom use to read stories to me when I was a little girl and I always ask her if fairytales came true and she always laugh saying if I believed they would they can come true. I always saw myself at the ball with my prince charming in my fairy tales but as time went by I started to loose the magic. Falling flat on my face like Cinderella before she became a princess into what I feared most now when I look into the mirror I can't find myself all I see is this, this girl... who waits for time to pass her slowly and she cries under the moonlight. Now when I think about my friends all I can hear is the constant "Ella I can...

It's true I mean I have a great guy friend who I am in love with I don't exactly how it happened but it did and even though he tells me he doesn't like me in that way I can't accept it, I've never tried this hard in my life; I've always moved on before it could hurt. However we stayed really good friends despite my crush now I wonder to myself what have I done? I mean he knows it isn't my fault I like him however, I can tell that every time it comes up it kills him. I mean he just broke up with his girlfriend in California so I could understand why he doesn't wanna talk to me or even want to be near me however, what I don't understand is this... a few days ago we had a fight this is what happened (what he said is in blue what I said is in red) "i have something 2 ask u somethin important" "wut" "do u hate me u like always seem pissed @ me" "Im not pissed at all u just kinda come on me alot like u txt me everyd...

I wonder to myself in this life is it really us?We all have our ups and downs in life will it ever pause. I want to breathe a moment of peace in my life one second to pull back and say wow have I been that blind? People are surprised to see what they are in others eyes when you think you are alone you're far from it. I'm a very fragile even though people can't believe it I have too many sides that can confuse anyone I can be so many different people like I'm faucets of glass on a diamond. But at least when I look in the mirror I can see myself I may be sad but at least I can believe I have the support of people that love me. People sometimes as well need to breathe and take their own time to heal, people are here to be our guides but, sometimes it hurts to see the damage it can have on our life. But we don't have to hide because our 'truest friends' are right in front of us and will always try to protect us from the fall. But I know I've been blesse...

This week has been awful everyone keeps breaking me down everything in my life goes wrong. I can't do anything right I've been banged up right and left and I have lost the battle. Trying to pretend everything is okay in my life when my heart is cut open and smashed to pieces. I am not doing well in science at all I mean I'm trying so hard not break down but I do a repeating failure everything hasn't been going well for me. I mean I'm in love with one of my guy friends like it's bad because I just can't get over him and my best friend just hasn't been able to talk to me and now I grow cold because of all this stress I feel hopelessly trapped and if my life isn't traumatic enough my mother is suing my dad for failure to pay the child support and now I wonder why can't I be a normal teenager no I have to be special as well. Also what made this weekend just great is that my best friend gave me a total panic attack because she could become just like...

Well here stands 2010 in front of us but, what now? The choices now will influence us forever, now I'm thinking what my uncle said to me that I have the talent but I'm not making it to its full use, however the obstacles in life can change your life forever. Today I read this poem "I'm gonna smile like nothing's wrong. Talk like everything's perfect, Act like it's all a dream, And pretend it's not hurting me." Think of all those who have no hope all those caught in the problems this world gives but, some take the wrong path in the opposite direction sometimes we can't decide one get's lucky one falls into the opposite. We want so much to help them but, we have to learn we can't. People always want to make the lives of others easier but, we have to learn to let people fall even when we hate to see it happen. The two paths teach us that in that time we learn jealousy, anger, kindness, love. We learn jealous is of every...