Believe In Time

Don't you ever get that feeling that you know you've done something wrong but, still do it anyway in hope the situation will fix itself? I know that feeling all too well, I mean on my last birthday my neighbor who I had a crush since I was a kid kissed me, and you know I got a little light headed then the next day he suddenly hates me. He basically played me and I fell for it, I was the stupid little girl hoping love would be real how, stupid could I get? My whole life is falling apart I mean, my own dad didn't even come to my confirmation and now my -ex and I are talking again! I mean my life is so messed up I wish sometimes the world would just stop and I could bleed everything in my life that hurt me. I mean I have Joe, my neighbor, my -ex, PJ, even my Dad. I feel like everyone I meet will leave some huge whole in my heart when will I ever have someone to heal my bleeding heart? I need to cry everything that has been locked up and let it drip. Jesus said, "Come

I know I haven't had much time to write but, now I wonder to myself how many people really feel alone?How many are in desperate need of help?How many are homeless and on the streets? Most people including me at points say "Oh. That's too bad." well I'm done with it. Imagine if it was you out on the streets and no one cared. Everyone just walked past you like dirt. I may live no better but, I am proud to say I'm not living on the streets. Don't you ever wish your mom would understand or your friends? But, it's not something you could say to them it's something you have to suffer all alone. I wish I wasn't one of those people. To top it all off I have my Conformation in 2 weeks and this is really about everyone else not me! It's just how everyone else feels or how fancy the wine is. Do you people realize that's not all that matters you might call me crazy but, being confirmed isn't about gifts or money it's about being

Well today my day offically stunk. I mean I got detention tommorrow for no reason completley unjust, however there unfourtuntley is no options left goodbye Princeton. Hello RCC. Well in any event my good friend Nia and I are no longer I am getting so tierd of her attitudue toward me. I mean I thought she was my best friend and now I realize I was the one who was fooled. I mean as if I was stuck in a monopoly. I don't know what this means for this class (the one I got detention in) I just wish she would have understood our reasoning because I'm a good student. Ugghh, I know this is going to stay in the back of her mind every time she looks at me now. I'm never going to want to answer a question in her class ever again. Like ever! I mean my head will be so low it will be down to the floor! When I told my mother she basically told me she doesn't have time for it. Well of course she doesn't it's not her problem. Also sometimes I just secretly wish to myself that

Evening. Well, my day is going down hill since this morning with my now short hair that curls I look like a 'Hairspray' character. My best friend thinks I hate her, my mom thinks I hate her, my other best friend can't tell me anything because her mother doesn't trust me, I showed up late to most of my classes, I have too much homework, and I'm feeling light headed. I mean, my day stinks. I mean here's the thing. My two best friends I feel are having a competition and they don't even know about it! I mean it's like I can't decide which one to spend my time with. I mean I love them both the same, but I'm only one person. I feel as though I'm being torn into two different directions. I'll admit I've been very grouchy lately. But, it's because I have so much on my plate. I just can't handle it. As if I were in a boxing match I didn't know was going to happen. Also I have been trying to handle my comprehension skills. But, th

Well the day went by slowly. School inches by as fast as a snail. But, otherwise I was thinking about beauty lately. I mean most girls don't feel beautiful and I am definitely one of those girls. I mean not everyone isn't born beautiful. I mean I've been overweight since I was a kid so I got use to the teasing but, it stills hurts inside that I'm not skinny but this is what happens to girls we hate ourselves and we want to change everything about us. Our hair, our face, our body, and so on; why do we keep doing this to ourselves? It hurts so much. Then this picture is what we look like we look like crap. We hurt ourselves because we want to look a certain way or be a certain way so people will like us. And as time goes on we begin to feel that everything is wrong with us, that we'll never be likable. I mean what is happening to the world?I mean look at that before and after why, is the world bringing us down? Why do we have to be stunning to impress everybody? i m

Well, the big day is tomorrow. I get married. No, just kidding tomorrow is the first day of High School! AHHHHHH!I am petrified I mean a new school, new teachers, more homework, and the people you hate most another year with them. I mean I already have enough problems my freaky dreams included. I mean as the days get closer to HS the nightmares got worse , and now when I wake up in the morning I have to actually be somewhere! If I get excepted to go to London, England have to raise $3,440! I mean at mean at my age that's crazy talk. Well, here comes school, still dull. Now I won't have as much time to write my stories cause I'll be like, saving the world before lunch. Wow. However my computer is dying and I have to go. Wish me luck.

Good morning. I know it's early for those who wait till 10 to get up. Time passes quickly school is only a few days away. I'm nervous however, not as nervous as I thought I would be. Time is like a butterfly, when it starts as a little caterpillar then it metamorphosis into a beautiful butterfly. Free to fly high still able to look down upon the world. Free to see a beautiful world from high above. Till the moon turns full the butterfly falls back to it's home down in the center of the universe where it rest until morning dawn. To fly off to find God's light at the brightest. On the journey even. if the struggles and pain hurt the butterfly won't stop. God loves all creatures He take the butterfly on the tip of His finger. He strokes the butterfly's wings and says to him "Believe little one that I am always here. All you have to do is look closely and you will find me. I shall call you my little lamb spread the word of me." The butterfly flew from

Parents' these days don't understand what all of us are about. Kids Parents think were small When we were born tall Think were too young We've just begun Were big and strong Afraid it might go wrong? Don't Because we won't You may think that were naive That's what you believe When you thought we were small It wasn't that at all I have always hated how parents underestimate kids and teens because we have the power to change the world. Do you remember that relative that would always would pinch your cheek and give you big fat gross kisses? My parents never treat me older than a five year old. I mean all am saying is don't be afraid to express your mind. My Mind Could never be shared No one ever cared Here it lies Here it dies Never been used It's always loosed

It's been a while. Not much has happened lately, I mean my boyfriend and I are no longer. What happened basically was this; I mean I was on vacation last week in Maine. Then I realized I couldn't take it I mean this guy has caused so much drama in my life. I realized that I didn't need the drama and that I didn't like them as much as I thought I did. Also, I met someone else so basically as bad as it sounds I flirted with him, but the thing is he lives in another state. So it totally bites. But lately I've been listening to David Archuleta's new hit "I'm a little too not over you" because that's how I feel about my -ex. So I'm single and I like it. Because there's no drama for me. I mean High School freshman year is making me petrified. Trust me. But, I know I'll get through it just like I do everything else. But you know today I feel like, amazing. I guess this is how I'm suppose to feel amazing and love who I am just the

Girls, I'm warning you be careful of what you say. I'm not trying to sound like your mother or something. But it's really true because the consequences hurt more than anything else. I just got mad at my mother (wind runner) and I started yelling at my boyfriend and he was so hurt. Here I show you what I wrote... Were not the same, guess I'm the one to blame. Whatever and don't try and give me that I love you shit because, really I have been fooled this whole time, and I ain't taking it. I already have enough garbage in my life without you. So tell me what the hell is going on, (his name). Yeah. I was a total bitch to him because, I was angry. Now after I sent him my like pity email he said "fine we'll stay together but don't do that to me again" So he basically hates me. But, I can't cry; I never could. I always felt that crying was a weakness. I just can't cry, unless it's really like the end. So really I have lea

Don't you ever get a feeling, that you can't exactly explain? It's a feeling that you can't speak of because, it hurts too much? Like, sometimes you can't go outside because you can't handle seeing the world? That's how I'm feeling right now. I don't want to see anyone. I can't really explain, I've never felt like this before. I'm thinking about love, I mean don't you ever feel you never actually knew the meaning of the word? I want to say how I think I would want love to be like. I would want to be able to date someone but, be able to walk away and still feel like myself and not always have to be with that person to feel safe, and I would still want to act like friends romance doesn't always have to be all the time. Still be able to joke around with that person; still be able to do stupid things(like shove mud in their face or something) Still be able to feel the joys of being a kid and to be able to be independent. Have your ow

Well, I'm up to about 3 posts in one day. I ran away a little while ago. But, I came back like I always do. Because, wherever I go they will find me and bring me back to where I started right here (in my house) I'll be writing most of the night anyway. It's about midnight here in NY. So, yup. Well, this is how the whole running away thing got started. I had been merely on the computer watching 'Picture This' on youtube. A simple evening for me, but then I hear my step-dad (ok, ewww I cannot say that word he should never have the word 'dad' in that title or whatever. I never liked him and never will. So I'll call him Mr. X.) Mr. X had called me over to the computer to sign into my itunes account because they had gotten a bill saying that itunes was used up to 60 dollars. Anyway, how that had actually happened was an accident, you see I had a graduation party for graduating middle school. So I had wanted an itunes card and, I would pay Mr. X back. So I ma

You know that feeling when you have this big secret and you can't tell anybody, but really the secret somehow hurts you inside. Well, that's exactly what I'm going throught. But, it's not a secret that somebody else told; it's a secret that is between my brain and my heart. My brain talks of leaving my bf because school is important but, my heart goes don't leave him, you love him. So it's really like what should I do? I mean it's hard enough dealing with the things I do, then having guys on top of it. Jeez, being a teenager is so confusing. While having God's shining on me, anyway. He believes in me even, when I don't in Him. It's still hard to know what's right and wrong because there is so much temptation in this world. Plus there is so many question to life we always wanted to answer. But, we can't for example.... What is love? You think you know the answer but really there is no answer. That's what we spend life doing looki

Well it's about 10 in New York, so really I'm just relaxing. I mean my boyfriend is in Hawaii and my best friends are at camp. So really just decided to write a blog. Because my lack of blogs is increasing. So basically, I wanted to write to say how my life's going. Well, at this point weird because, my best friend just called me for the first time in 12 days out of nowhere and my boyfriend just said for the first time he loves me. Which Nia basically it's about time! Then I thought I heard her say "I've been telling him to since the day the two of you started going out." That's what I heard and I was like, "What?" and she basically hung up on me. Jeez relationships are like jobs. My, Dad was right. I mean relationships are amazing but, sometimes they are like a roller coaster that never ends. I've been doing the karaoke of 'Somewhere over the Rainbow.' I can't upload it but here's the url:http://www.youtube.com/user/Hawa

I still cannot believe my Aunt wrote such beautiful words about me. It amazes me, because as I've gotten older I've realized she's become my guardian angel on earth. She is always there for me, to help me find God again or when I'm in anguish or suffering to help me believe in him with everything I have. So truly my Aunt is one of the people I don't deserve to have because she is way too amazing and always believes in God. While, I sometimes fall into doubts and can be cruel and mean; at the point where I begin to reject the Lord as if he were some personal slave of mine. God is the Creator he can do anything He wants. "I am not afraid of anything in creation. I know the Creator."(quoted by Todd from the Christ Miller series) "Life is a gift that you can have; but can lose or never return." (quoted by me) As it is said to be true life is that special gift you have found under the Christmas tree. It is that cool breeze in the hot and humid weather

Wow. I haven't written in so long. I was walking through staples lately and found this poem on one of the diary covers.It began to think about how similar that is to everyone's life the points when we suffer most in life the footprints are only one.Then as we begin to trust God more and more we see two pairs of footprints that's how we should be walking alongside with God. When we do we admire what we seemed to have missed. Then the earth beneath us begins to change sometimes we something beautiful then other times we see things that we wished we would have forgotten. GOD IS HERE!!!!! We can't forget that He is. God will be here to help us through the struggles in life. So we must never forget he is always going to help us. No matter what your going through the beautiful gift that God gave us was hope. To believe that things will be alright even if they don't see like it.

Well, as if life couldn't get more confusing, it does. I mean as strange as it gets it goes to strangest because here's my pro blem my best friend tells me something about my boyfriend and my bf has no idea what the hell she's talking about. Strange. My life apparently enjoys freaking me out. Also my bf is not a christian so it kinda is hard because he says it's all made off of lies. So it's hard to know does God still want me to be with him or not? Also he hasn't spoken to me in a few days because I got mad because it's really hard to know who tells me the truth anymore. It's like I'm falling from the high place I once stood. So really all I need is to know what I should do it's hard to know anymore because it confuses me. I really want my bf to become a christian like me. But, it's between him and God if he rejects it he's rejecting our holy Father. It is not my responsibility to make him become christian that is between him and Father.

Check out my other blog called Reader's Word. It has my stories.

Well I have to be honest my life at points can be breakable but, now it can be at it's worst point. I mean as my life falls I fall with it. I mean at points of my life I just wanna run. I mean my friends are now ignoring me. As if I don't exist. I mean but, there is something they don't really realize I will go to being a loner just to smile one more time and I don't need people's help to smile. As much as people think I do; I don't. I would rather have the love of Jesus and God more than a lot of things I will turn also to true friends (like you Kelly) to help me through things in my life that could bring me to my knees. Because Jesus and God I know your there. You are there and I have been ignoring your calls to me. I can be foolish but sometimes I fall more than I should. But this time I owe an apology to God he gave me such lovely things and I don't appreciate them, such as life itself. He didn't have to but he did because he loves me and everyone ju

Hey. What's up? Well tonight is just one plain old life as me. I mean I'm just thinking about everything at one moment. My head is rushing. It's as though time has been something that was here and disappeared. Time to me is like some elusion it doesn't feel real. Because as moments pass us by things disappear along with it. "For some [time] there never is enough. For some a minute seems like an eternity. But, for Jesse Tuck it didn't exist." (Tuck Everlasting the movie) To me though time is just something that the perfect moment is something that just goes too fast. Then when the moments of struggle,hate,and fear; normally are the one's we remember most. As our memories fade life can drop before our eyes then we begin to fade to dust. One Rose That's what I left behind One simple little rose So dead and bruised You could have choosed that new one too But you chose me So dead and used My Heart Here's my heart So big and black You ca

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rl5UjncCdD4 Just like the waves down by the shore, I'm gonna keep comin' back for more. This video that I gave you the link to you is in memory of my grandpa he died and now he's in my memory always. But, I think of death as the beginning instead of the end because now, he's with God and I know he'll look out for all my family who have gone to rest. Believe that death is not the end it is the beginning of the life behind the Golden Gates. "Why should I be afraid of death? When death brings us closer to God."(St. Elizabeth) I believe one day I'll earn my place in the stars and remember all my friends especially Kelly and Nia that if you ever need help you can always call me. Dead or alive through the power of God I will help. I will tell a story. Once upon a time there was 7 beautiful sisters yet, the youngest ;the most beautiful, Nejamh their father the richest man in the land. Then one day the seven sisters took a

for the last blog the fo was suppose to be do.

If you ever have the crazy life like I do, you would understand this question very little. Because as we all know I have a boyfriend (yes my mom made an awfully big deal about it) but, the question is he worth it? I mean what is wrong with me is that I just broke up (as a friend) with someone else before this kid and my current bf doesn't understand that I need to adjust to the new situation in front of me. It is all new to me. So he technically thinks I'm annoying but the question is I am ever going back to the kid I knew? I mean before we were bf/gf we just flirted a lot but, it was fun I mean we could be ourselves no matter what, and we could talk about anything, but now he met one of my best friends and he talks to her more than me but, I think he believes I'm in a whole another world, which I kind am. I keep thinking that I wanna go back to when I could be myself and my freakin emotions would just stop making me so pushy and annoying but, it's the challenge that I

Hola! Well hello there. I just am kinda sad about leaving for Virgina. I mean, I also am completely not ready to face the competition that my cousins bring and they don't even know it. I mean they seem so perfect in every way to me, I mean they are smart, beautiful,popular,skinny,they get to live in the warmest places,and have so many friends, I can't even count! Plus they know sometimes to compete with them I make things up, but other than making me a bad person it, will never compare to anything they can do. They are super humans in my eyes, so amazing yet, smart at the same time, impossible as it seems they have done it. Well, even my boyfriend could agree that we all have someone that in our live will seem perfect yet, they really aren't. Yet. in our eyes they always will be. Super Humans They always will be It's what we see No matter what It seems like that You can't imagine Us bellow you You can't forget us, to If You Could See I imagine it With no candle

Hi. Well I am a hawaiian chica. This is my first blog ever and I have absolutely no idea what to write about. Yet, it is pretty cool to express how I feel without having to actually say it. Also, girls I have advice for you watch who you start dating a freind of mine tonight told me that one of her long term guy friends asked her out then dumped her. After one day of going out. I truly want to say if you have a best guy friend becareful of what your getting into. I have hd the same problem in my life I once had a guy I really liked and pulled a Susie Hawkens and bascially he said no. So the thing I have a problem with now is that I have an Edward yet, it hurts to get closer. Like a needle stabbing my heart. Remember love can kill.