Believe In Time

Another day another dollar, except your paying them to go to college. I have decided to embark on another social adventure, attempting to start a Computer Science chapter at my University! It is going to be an interesting road ahead but, I am hoping to really start a prosperous club that will continue to grow even after I leave college. Plus now that I have more free-time it seems like the perfect opportunity! I asked another girl to help me run the club, but I'm so excited I get to be president of something, especially something I started! I am also looking for an internship this summer, which I cannot stress enough how poorly I feel like I do writing cover letters! But the opportunities seems so amazing, it's as if new doors just keeping opening up! I am also excited about having the opportunity to work with bigger companies, I am just super nervous! It's so nerve-wracking to actually use my skills in the real world. I am just so afraid of not doing well or messing up, bu...

Well it certainly has been a while since I have written anything on my blog! Honestly for the past year I have found myself at a loss for writing, I have struggled to write the simplest words down on paper. My new major Information Technology is mostly analytical thinking rather than creative so, I feel as though writing has been harder than ever! But, even though it might not be exactly the same I am going to try to keep writing! Lately, I have been working on my resume in the hopes of getting an internship, which is harder than you might think! I mean trying to write down marketable skills is like trying to predict the future! But, I'm hoping that I'll find something I love, like social media! School this semester has so far been alright, I don't feel stressed out to the max yet, and I actually like accounting! Who would have thought! Me a businesswoman? It sounded so foreign to me at one point, but I find myself hanging on every word during lectures! It's simply am...

Lately, it seems like I have fallen out of paradise and into a new world, one I'm not completely sure I like. It seems as though I've fallen hard for the wrong man. Is it true that you can go so far down a path, and want to run back as quickly as possible, but still there your heart is hold out hope? My mind and my heart seem to be holding on to something that seems like it no longer exists. Should I stay second place, just to stay on your mind? Your only concerned with the right now, not what could be. After 2 years should I say goodbye and let go of the hope that I had for us? And yet here I look at my phone waiting for you to call. The feeling that I had for us, seems to fade when your gone, when all we do is prepare for battle, but when we're together, I feel vulnerable and those precious moments make all the difference. I feel the winter chill of our long lost love surround me. It chills me to the core, and yet there is still a small center of warmth radiating from m...

Lately, everything just seems to be jumbled in words that could never sound beautiful no matter how you phrased them. We've been on a family vacation for the last two weeks, which has been simply been driving me crazy, because when you have two perfect cousins and a family who is convinced that your the devil it makes things insane. The trip already started out with problems because my grandmother believes what my cousins gossip about me, and honestly it's just unfair. They claimed that I blocked them from being able to call me, when in reality they ignore me in the grand scheme of the world. I should also say that it's annoying that my grandmother takes my uncle's side for everything, I felt as though for all the time we were on the cruise, I was listening to my grandmother talk about how everything I do is wrong and we had to wait everywhere for my uncle and his family. I did everything wrong because I wasn't interested in being friends with my cousins because of ...

College. The words that determine the rest of your life. The words that run across your mind once you graduate high school. The words that make you think of parties and four more years of exams. However, this is the chance when you get to choose how you spend your days, what you learn right? At least that's the look I see on many freshman when they come to college, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed jumping at the opportunity to take a reign on their lives or you have those who are excited for the four years of partying that comes ahead, and finally you have those students who come in trailing behind their parent waiting for the tour to be over usually listening to music. These three type of students however, all fall into the same muddling and confusing first year of college, where all three take the same meaningless courses and after the year is over worry about what is next. This is the point where the education system comes in and molds you. In college, the choice is everything. ...

Tonight I want to talk about something that everyone knows but, no one truly ever says. What it is like to have people who don't understand you and punish you for being yourself. (Warning: this will be a bit rant-like). My "parents", if you could even call them that, have been punishing me for being myself for years. Even, after ten years I know there is no winning- when I speak I am in trouble and when I am silent I am in trouble. At the age of being close to adulthood this vexes me because as I get older the punishment only gets worse. There is just the point when you want to stop trying because it will never be good enough for anyone. But, then you step back and wonder why do you have to please everyone? What will they ever do for you? Sometimes I just want to scream out to the world that I don't want to be a follower, I want the chance to be creative and to make something of myself in my own fashion. It won't be perfect, it will be messy but, at least the oppo...

Do you ever feel completely lost? I feel as though the world is hold out my letter of rejection but, here I am trying to fight my way back in. I feel truly lost, I feel lost about my future, about my relationship, and the rest of my life. I'm finishing my second year of college, and we're suppose to have our life figured out and here I am standing in the midst waiting for an an answer. Sometimes the universe needs to give you a sign to tell you what to do. Even the purest form of happiness can be lost in the midst of the world. I'm preparing to start my life over again, by leaving for London in the fall and to be honest I hope its everything I expect, and everything I don't. I feel lost, lost in love. I question being with him forever. Will it truly bring me happiness after the roses have fallen? I wonder why I can't stop thinking about whether we're perfect. It's as though something is missing from my life. Something is making me feel empty. I just don...